Your December Horoscope

What are the nicest things to get your family (and yourself) this holiday season? We went through our favorite brands of 2019 to make a comprehensive list of nice gifts for your loved ones of yourself because what is self care if it isn't smoking a joint by yourself. To kick off the holidays, we're starting with our favorite joints, vapes and accessories according to your horoscope written by @jakesastrology.

For the past year, Jupiter, the planet of luck, growth, and expansion has been in its favorite sign, Sagittarius, which rules adventure, travel, spirituality, and philosophy. With Jupiter being the most “extra” planet, and Sag being the most “extra” sign, this year has been pretty, well, extra. Collectively, everyone’s been feeling more bold, confident, and more than anything else, opinionated (maybe that’s why 2019 was the year of callout culture?) for better or for worse. You’ve been seeing people stand up for their beliefs around the globe with protests and riots going on, but you’ve also seen oppressive leaders sticking to their guns too, spreading propaganda and lies all year long in order to assert their dogma and keep the “common person” in check, all thanks to Jupiter in Sagittarius. This trend is coming to an end starting December 2, when Jupiter leaves fiery Sag and dips into the cardinal earth sign, Capricorn. The earth signs Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn are benefiting most from Jupiter’s year long stay in this sign, while the cardinal signs Aries, Libra, and Cancer might get overwhelmed by all of the action coming their way. 

Regardless of your sign, Jupiter is a benefic planet, which means that its ultimate goal is to do good and bring growth into your life. It feels right at home in Sagittarius because they both want to expand and grow, and they’re both associated with optimism and generosity. Capricorn is nothing like Sagittarius. Pragmatic Capricorn is ruled by Saturn, the planet of restriction, challenges, and responsibilities, and Jupiter is actually at its least powerful in Capricorn, so even though it’s one of the nicest planets in the sky, it can’t operate quite how it wants to for the next year.

The rapid expansion (the good and bad kinds) that came with Jupiter in Sagittarius all year long simply isn’t going to happen now that Jupiter is floating through Capricorn. This isn’t so much a period of luck and abundance, and the random strokes of good fortune that fell upon you in 2019 aren’t nearly as frequent. Jupiter in Capricorn is giving you a year of stamina, determination, and grit that allows you to accomplish difficult-to-reach goals and grow in a way that ends up giving your life more structure. You’re working harder and longer hours to get what you want, but when you do find success, Jupiter in Capricorn is making sure that the rewards you receive have lasting value.

Capricorn represents the archetypal executive or businessperson. Capricorns have an innate understanding that you have to work hard in order to play hard, and they work fucking hard. You’re finding that you have what it takes to dedicate yourself to a plan now, act on it, and achieve BIG things with Jupiter in Capricorn, and once you set your mind to something, nothing can stand in your way! Since Capricorn is an earth sign, Jupiter here is concerned with getting materialistic, real results for your labor, like a fat paycheck, a fancy car, or a promotion–none of that “I feel good after a hard day’s work” bullshit. You’re cashing in big-time when you put in the work this year.

One of the biggest transits of 2019 was the Saturn/Pluto conjunction. It’s not over officially until the end of January 2020, but it’s been building up all year long. The Saturn/Pluto conjunction has been going on in Capricorn, and the effects of this transit have been, in a word, extreme. Saturn represents structures and hierarchies, and Pluto represents destruction and transformation, so it’s easy to see how these two planets combining their energies has made it feel like the whole world is falling apart. Governments are undergoing massive changes, tyrants and oppressive regimes are toppling down, and the rules/status quo of society are dissolving. It’s a crazy time, for sure, but once all the dust settles, you’re left with an open space to start fresh. It’s of the utmost importance to vote in 2020, elect officials that will do what’s right for everyone, not just the top one percent, and work towards creating a society that includes equality and equity for all people. Jupiter in Capricorn is essentially coming in behind Saturn and Pluto in 2020, cleaning up the big mess they made, and it can be a very auspicious year if we the people play our cards right and get involved with rewriting the rules. 

Where Jupiter in Sagittarius helped you to feel inspired and allowed you to broaden your perspectives on the world in 2019, Jupiter in Capricorn is now helping you do something with everything you learned and experienced. Take that inspiration and knowledge, make a goal, write out a plan, and start working! You’re not going to get anywhere just hoping and dreaming for nice things, you have to put in a serious effort with Jupiter in industrious Capricorn. If you can manage that, you’ll receive tangible results and rewards, and 2020 can be one of the most lucrative years of your life. Jupiter is in Capricorn once every dozen years, so the time to act is now! 

Before we dive in, a reminder on how we categorize products from no mom, you won't get high to yeah, that's going to do the trick.

The Nice List: Horoscope Edition

Vapes, your parents are terrified of them and your cousins are passing you them. When it comes to vaping, we have a comprehensive list of what to, and what not to be worried about. Jake Register tackles each sign and has rounded up the nicest (and safest) vapes to gift for each sign. 

Your status, public image, and reputation are where Jupiter in Capricorn is focusing the most this year. This is a big career-growth transit. If you want to get a promotion, a huge raise, change your job, or start your own business, this is the year to do it–you just really have to work for it. 

Why Tonic:

It's going to be a nice month so keep the nice times going for the Aries in your life. Tonic CBD, a women owned and operated brand, owns the farm they use to fill their pens. Using best-in-class farming practices and rigorous, transparent, testing this is one CBD vape you don't have to worry about when smoking (which, in the world of hemp, is a big deal).

If you have dreams of higher education or travel, Jupiter in Capricorn is helping you out big time this year. It’s a great time to go back to school or take a long trip to a faraway location. You’re likely to get the opportunity to travel for work, perhaps to take a class, but even if that’s not the case, any sort of traveling (even a short day trip) promises to be a remarkable experience.

Why Roam:

This month your Taurus friends, family and loved ones are going to be going through a lot in their relationships so get them a pen that gives them some focus and clarity. Tauruses love nice design and Roam definitely hits the mark. While vaping on the illicit market is something you should definitely approach with caution (read more on the vapes that were dangerous here), vapes sold in licensed dispensaries have to go through rigorous vetting processes and Roam is no exception. Experienced Taureans will appreciate NYC hustle which gives you a nice head high with a 7:1 blend of THC and CBD. For a less visceral high, gift Paris Nights, at 1:1 THC to CBD which is best for beginners.

Jupiter in Capricorn is teaching you the value of commitment this year. It’s helping you understand fiscal responsibility and the importance of making wise investments, but it’s also pushing you to commit to a person. Your intimate life is becoming much more important in your life, and even though you’re the last person to want to settle down with someone, you might find that this is the year you meet someone that you’d like to be with forever.

Why Leune:

Leune is one of the more cost-effective vapes on the market it goes through the same rigorous testing as any other vape sold through licensed dispensaries. This is one of the better flavors out there and at 85% THC can help lift brain fog for your Geminis friends and family. 

Jupiter in Capricorn is helping you to repair all of the damage that was inflicted on your relationships in 2019. Your sign’s had it rough lately, and you’ve likely been cutting off toxic friends or suffering from severe breakups lately, but this year’s all about forging new relationships that are stronger, healthier, and have more longevity.

Why Sunday Goods:

Cancer is going to have a tumultuous month so with all the changes happening give them a vape for some good times. The blend of terps and high THC content ensures some giggling and elevated moods.

You love to have fun, even if it means skipping out on work or class for some short-term pleasure, but Jupiter in Capricorn is pushing you to learn that you need to work hard to play hard this year. This doesn’t just apply to your job, either–your entire daily routine can be improved in 2020. It’s a good year to set healthy eating habits, a consistent workout routine, or a more organized schedule. Get organized this year! That way, the fun times will be more rewarding, and you won’t have to stress about all of your responsibilities at the very last minute (like you tend to do). 

Why Besito:

This touch of THC vape pen has 20% CBD and 40% THC making it more balanced for a cannabis pen. Sativa-dominant, the mint gives you an energizing hit and won’t be heavy on paranoia which will help out Leos this month.

So, your love life’s been a bit of a disaster lately. Jupiter in Capricorn is bringing all of its good vibes to your chart’s zone of romance, sex, and fun this year, so things are definitely looking up for you, Virgo! You’re feeling more confident, you’re spending more time with people you love (that also love you, too), and you’re finally ending the year-long dry spell you’ve been suffering through! 

Why Quill:

Your Virgo friends, family and significant others aren't always the most touchy-feely so help them keep their cool when they're going through their emotions with Quill's CBD pen. Grown sustainably and to the highest standards, they're also committed to sustainability helping reuse and recycle each pen when you send it back to them.

Jupiter in Capricorn is helping you build a stronger foundation for your life. You’re able to work hard to have a stronger relationship with your family, a steady living situation, and most importantly, you’re learning how to defeat your own inner insecurities and become someone that you can happily “come home” to at the end of the day. 

Why Pure Beauty Minis: 

Libra is going to be having *a lot of people* enter their lives in the next month so keep it simple and stick to mini joints. Our favorite right now is Pure Beauty. Their yellow mini joints are a high sativa strain and are perfect to share with friends, so, if you’re lucky, the Libras you get this for will pay it forward.

They say that you learn something new every day, and Jupiter in Capricorn is taking that saying and making it apply to you in a literal sense this year, and you’re undergoing serious personal growth. 2020 is all about expanding your mind, getting to know yourself and those around you on a better level, and helping you get out of your shell and make new connections. Will you be busy as fuck? Oh, absolutely. But will you also be having a great time? For sure! 

Why Lowell?

Scorpios are about to have a strong month ahead of them but that doesn’t mean they won’t have a few bumps along the way. Help them smooth the road out with Lowell Farm’s vapes that pull incredibly well and their hybrid has a nice and mellow high.

Jupiter was in your sign all year long, and now it’s finally moving on out. Jupiter in your sign helped you grow as an individual, expand your mind, and broaden your horizons, and now you (more than any sign) are able to take what you’ve done in 2019 and apply it this year. Your finances are expanding, your self-esteem is growing, and you’re able to work hard and win big rewards in 2020.

Why Bloom:

It’s been a rocky few months for your Sag friends, so help them find balance with Bloom Farms. A high quality oil, this CBD pen is best enjoyed without flavors, just get them the classic natural flavor.

This is the start of a new twelve-year cycle for you, Capricorn. You’re endlessly hard on yourself, and Saturn’s stay in your sign for the past two-ish years have made that even more true, but Jupiter is here to relieve that tension and give your permission to feel good about yourself. Your hard work is bringing in rewards, you’re feeling more self-assured, and you’re feeling more inspired to do more great things with your life as a result.

Why Jetty:

Jetty has always been one of our favorites but this strain is particularly nice because of its tropical taste. It’s going to be an energetic month for Capricorns so get them a fun sidekick when they’re working hard or out and about with Jetty.

Jupiter in Capricorn is activating your chart’s 12th house, the zone of isolation, solitude, and self-undoing. Don’t freak out–Jupiter is a good planet, remember? You’re spending this year learning the value of alone time, and getting to know yourself as an individual on a deep level. You’re unlocking all of those secret thoughts, habits, and urges you usually lock away, and you’re being made to confront them this year. It’s not a great feeling, obvis, having to face your shadow side, but the idea here is to figure out the root of your self-defeating habits and self-destructive behaviors, so you can nip them in the bud and become a stronger, healthier, more well-rounded individual in 2020.

Why Good Company:

Good company traditionally makes “just good weed.” Now they’re making simple vapes with cannabis and terpenes and that’s it. We like their hybrid and Indica, with the month Capricorns have they’ll probably appreciate the same.

The people you surround yourself with say a lot about the kind of person you are, Pisces. Jupiter in Capricorn is making it abundantly clear to you who you should be associating with, and you’re being held accountable for picking the right friends to keep in your squad. You need a network that will support you and push you to become your best self, and if your current crew is filled with a bunch of directionless bums, you’re probably going to feel like a directionless bum yourself. If there are shitty friends in your circle, you’re kicking them to the curb this year. 2020 is about discovering and securing a squad that has your best interests at heart.

Why Chemistry:

This is a high CBD strain meaning you’re not going to get super high but you’ll get a bit of that brain buzz. It’s going to be a bit stressful for Pisces this month, so get them something that’ll help them get through it. With farm transparency, you also know you’re getting exactly what you paid for.